No Day But Today
by PhoenixRisingOnTheMoon
Summary: "Snow felt excitement quell in her. She knew nothing about RENT, but she knew that it had to have some adult content, since Emma and Regina insisted on Henry staying with Granny and not coming to the play. Snow figured it just had bad language." In which Storybrooke puts on a production of RENT and Snow remains as clueless as ever. One-shot. SQ. slight allusions to CaptainCharming


_No Day But Today_

 _Disclaimer: I don't own anything._

 _Notes: This takes place around where season 6 would be, with a couple creative twists: Neal didn't die and basically anything after the season 3 finale (including the finale) didn't happen. Slight crack because performing a musical in Storybrooke is a very unlikely event. Unfortunately._

* * *

Snow settled down in her seat just as the lights were dimming. She and the rest of the audience started to clap as Ruby and Dr. Whale got up on the stage, dressed in ratty winter clothes.

"Hello, everyone, and welcome to our production of the hit musical _RENT_ ," Ruby announced with a smile.

"Before we begin," Whale continued, "we'd like to ask that you all please turn off your phones and any other devices that could interfere with our wireless microphone system. Pictures are allowed, but please, no flash photography."

"And absolutely no recording for any reason," Ruby finished sincerely. She then lit up again. "Concessions are available in the lobby during intermission. There are also candy-grams being sold during intermission and after the show if you would like to send a cast member a special little treat! Thank you for your cooperation. Enjoy the show!"

The audience clapped once more as they exited the stage. Snow felt excitement quell in her. She knew nothing about _RENT_ , but she knew that it had to have _some_ adult content, since Emma and Regina insisted on Henry staying with Granny and not coming to the play. Snow figured it just had bad language. Or maybe it was the little kiss Emma mentioned she had with another person. Perhaps Emma wasn't comfortable with her son seeing her kiss someone.

The music started as the curtains opened. Eight figures were lit up in solo spotlights from above as the piano played.

Snow smiled when she saw her husband and daughter up on stage. David had been excited about auditioning, but Emma had taken some convincing. In the end, the prospect of showing the town that the sheriff is involved with community activities had managed to convince her.

" _525,600 minutes. 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes. How do you measure, measure a year_?"

They all sounded so good. Snow took the time to see who was on the stage. From left to right, she recognized Neal, Hook (though his usual guyliner seemed to be on even more this time), Regina, Whale, David (so handsome despite his ratty clothes), Emma (her shirt a little more revealing than usual), Robin, and Ruby.

The majority of the group started to sing backgrounds as Regina took the stage with a solo. It wasn't surprising to hear how beautiful her voice sounded. She used to sing Snow to sleep after she had a bad nightmare back in the Enchanted Forest.

David started singing after Regina was done and Snow gushed in her seat.

The song ended and Snow heartily clapped along. The drums and electric guitars loudly filled the auditorium as the scene changed. The crew sang about their inability to pay the rent. Snow cringed when David was beat up by a couple of dwarves. The song ended and Neal and Whale started to argue with Robin's character Benny, who seemed to be their ex-friend. Robin sang a song to them, but Snow only half paid attention. She already didn't like this Benny character.

The lights changed to a side stage where Hook was hitting drumsticks on a plastic can. Ariel went by and threw him change. He thanked her and continued but stopped when some pained moans filled the air. He went over and found David on the ground. Snow's face went whiter than usual as both Hook and David admitted they had AIDS. Was this the part that Regina and Emma didn't want Henry to see?

Scenes passed by quickly. Ruby and Whale's characters seemed to be interested in each other. Snow thought that Ruby played Mimi perfectly. Ruby took a small packet from Whale that had some sort of white powder, though Snow wasn't quite sure what it was. Snow, perhaps? She chuckled at her own joke. Ruby— or 'Mimi'— was probably just borrowing sugar from her neighbor, like most people do.

Snow smiled as she saw Neal and Whale talking and Neal mentioned his ex Emma. This was perfect for them. Snow bet that the two of them would end up together in the end. She was too consumed with her thoughts to fully hear what was being said onstage. Emma's voice filled the stage as her character left a message for Neal.

David burst onto the stage happy. He shared some alcohol with them and then ran off stage. He came back and Snow's hand flew to her mouth as Hook walked on stage. He was wearing skin tight zebra print leggings and a feminine Santa jacket, with a short black wig to top it off. He danced around and sang, but Snow was paying too much attention to his outfit to listen to any of it.

A scene later Neal was walking on stage and an argument song broke out between him and Regina. Wait? Were they fighting over Emma? Did Regina's character have an interest in Emma's? It sounded like… it sounded like Regina's and Emma's were dating…

As the tango dancing scene came to a close, Emma came on stage with a man on her left arm and a woman on her right. Emma's red dress caused her to stick out from the rest of the dancers on stage that were clad in black.

" _Why do we love when she's mean?_ "

Emma brought the man's face down to hers and kissed him.

" _And she can be so obscene_ …"

Snow gasped as Emma took the woman's face and did the same thing before parading off stage with the two.

Emma's character… this _Maureen_ … liked boys _and_ girls.

Scenes passed by in a blur. Snow realized that Hook's character involved with David's character. It unsettled Snow a little. She knew that the only reason Hook even decided to do the play was that he thought he could be closer to Emma and win over her affections. He had hoped to play the part of someone who had relations with the part Emma had, but he ended up getting a character in love with _David_ and Emma got one who seemed to be stuck between Neal and Regina. Snow still hoped she ended up with Neal.

Ruby stole the crowd's attention with her rather… sexual performance of "Out Tonight." David and Hook had another number together. And they _kissed_. How come David never mentioned this to her? Had he been kissing Hook at all of their rehearsals?

Snow was also upset that Emma didn't seem to have as much stage time as anyone else, but she noticed Regina didn't have much either.

Emma rolled up the middle of the aisle on a motorcycle with her red leather jacket on. She proceeded to perform a song that confused Snow. Cows? Jumping over the moon? Emma was mooing and Snow just couldn't figure out why.

A fight broke out as the police and crowd fought following Emma's speech. Emma and Regina seemed to quickly find each other, along with the rest of the group minus Neal. When Neal finally caught up they went to a new setting— a restaurant.

Neal revealed that the lead story for the 11 o'clock news was Emma's moon speech. Emma was overjoyed and kissed him.

 _I knew it_ , Snow thought. _They_ are _going to end up together!_

The kiss was brief however, and Regina quickly broke them apart. Snow was appalled to see Emma… _smooching_ Regina.

The gang quickly put together a few tables, much to the restaurant manager's dismay, and Snow noticed that Robin was sitting at a table not too far over with Eric and a man Snow didn't recognize.

" _Benjamin Coffin III_ ," Emma called out as she shrugged off her jacket.

The group started to have a conversation with Robin.

" _Who died_?" Hook asked.

" _Our akita_ ," Robin answered grimly.

Whale and Neal looked at each other knowingly. " _Evita!_ "

Robin scoffed and began to sing. " _You make fun, yet I'm the one attempting to do some good. Or do you really want a neighborhood where people piss on your stoop every night? Bohemia, Bohemias, a fantasy in your head. This is Calcutta— Bohemia is dead_."

Neal stood up and began to mock Robin's words on the death of Bohemia— whatever that was. Snow found it amusing. Her amusement ended, however, when Emma turned away from the audience and pulled down her pants, effectively mooning the whole crowd.

" _Emma!_ " she gasped. People around her turned and glared. Snow quickly closed her mouth. She suddenly felt sick.

To top off her queasy feeling, Regina grabbed Emma's (thankfully now covered) butt firmly and brought the blonde impossibly close to her. Eric cleared his throat, causing Emma to turn towards him and grab Regina's butt while saying, " _Hey mister— she's my sister_."

Then Ruby and Hook began a rather provocative dance together about… sexual toys… which ended with Emma spreading her legs wide as Neal called out, " _Mucho masturbation!_ "

Snow stood up, causing the people around her to stare at her once more. She marched down the aisle towards the exit, turning around only briefly to see Emma shoving her tongue down Regina's throat and then David and Hook laying on top of each other on the table. With that scarring image in her mind, Snow opened the door and exited the stage, texting David that she went home sick.

* * *

"We fucking _rocked_ opening night guys!" Ruby called out as the cast and crew assembled in the green room backstage. Everyone cheered before breaking off into smaller groups.

Emma walked up to where her father was. "Hey, did you see Mom anywhere?"

David shook his head. "No, which I thought was weird. She said she was coming to opening night." He went to his bag and pulled out his phone, eyebrows furrowing at it. "Apparently she went home sick right before intermission. I hope she's okay."

Emma's eyes widened. "You don't think… you don't think _we_ made her sick… do you?"

"Disgusted by the thought of her daughter with the evil queen?" Regina asked with a smirk as she walked over and wrapped her arms around Emma from behind. She pressed a kiss to the blonde's cheek.

"Well… we never really did get around to telling her we were together… or that our characters in the show were together…" Emma said. Her face became more concerned. "Or that Dad and Hook's characters were together. Or that Ruby's character was addicted to drugs. Or that—"

" _Stop worrying_ ," Regina said, turned the younger woman around in her arms. She smiled comfortingly. "She should've received some sort of clue that the show was inappropriate when we told her Henry couldn't come. Besides, she'll forget about the show in due time. In the end, her opinion on us doesn't matter, because no matter what she says, I won't stop loving you." With that, she softly kissed Emma.

Ruby laughed. "If she was disgusted, it would be by how sickly sweet you two are." She lightly punched each of them in their arms. "Good job tonight, guys! See you all tomorrow!" she called out to the rest of the people as she headed out the door behind Whale.

"And no matter what happens, she _will_ come around eventually," David promised, kissing his daughter lightly on the forehead. He tilted his head and smiled. "I'm so proud of you, sweetheart."

"Now who's being sickeningly sweet?" Regina teased.

Before this show happened, if someone had told Regina that she and David would be friends, or that she and Emma would enter a relationship, or even that Regina would perform in a musical show for Storybrooke, she would've laughed in their face before throwing a fireball at them. Now, though, she appreciated the fact that Gold practically forced her to do the show based on a debt from years before the curse that she had yet to repay him for. She was glad that she and Emma were cast as lovers, so it would open up their minds to the possibility of their own relationship. And she was certainly glad that David was there to watch the two fall for each other and support them through it all. And even more glad that Henry was excited and muttered "finally" when they had told him.

Now the only obstacle in their way was Snow… and whether or not she would be as glad as the rest of their… family.

"Should we tell her tonight?" Emma asked quietly.

"Only if you're ready to," Regina replied, placing another kiss on the side of her head.

Emma nodded and gave a small smile. "I'm ready." She gave a slight laugh. "No day but today."


End file.
